Do not fall in love with people like me

 Do not fall in love with people like me.

I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth.

I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.

-Caitlyn Sieh

If you're reading these,you already understand the depth of the poem that I posted above

And after this beautiful hurricane,As Kafka once said 'I don’t think I am fit to any human relationship'

Blasts from my bad past

I was a hippie, an addict..i was addicted to drugs, love, alcohol, people, places,cigarettes and traveling... drowned into the deep digital spaces.was about to die twice due to drug overdose, a few knew about it.loved to lead a gypsy life.my whole life was about survival,these hardships made me numb,i killed my happy hormones and turned hard hearted,cold and emotionally detached. not a midlife crisis. iam calm as a monk now

Iam the one who carries the burdens alone, the one who swam the seas for love,one who knows the depth of true love and the one who immerses in it and attains salvation.and  knew the deepest pain of losing it,turned the walking dead then.nothing amazes me these days..(love, relationships and places..etc)

Some of my relatives and friends mocking me thinking that iam a teetotallar, avoiding me their gatherings and meetings.iam acted as dumb and smiles at them and sticked to my bad social life.nothing amazes me these days.(people, alcohol,drugs and cig..etc

That memories from another life, slowly fades away..into oblivion.Even loved ones may not know what each person really is..And they love that magical Mystery in them.

islands

till we meet ,we were islands!!
On a fire island
one treehouse saved us.
Together we walked long
Listened “come on over”
We soaked our sorrows in a bathtub
It’s cold outside,
coziness and warmness encircled us.
 Later we step out into freezing cold
With a loud cry..
Walked away with a heavy heart and teary eyes
Into forever lost
Into Zillion years of Solitude.....

Bucket dreams!!

Here is my #bucketlist
1.Himalayas-to the transformation..I will find myself there.
2.kailasam- most divine, most sacred
3.india tour-travel across India by bullet, covering all states,beaches, beautiful villages, Streets,meet people,take photos,enjoying all local foods..
4.scuba-to see,feel and experience ocean life ,preferring lakshadweep
5.moving to a different country and live there(eat,prey read,love and yoga)
6.skydive-ready to face the fear,to feel the great experience
7.leading a hippie life
8.hot air balloon ride-wanna fly in a hot air balloon, to float away to heaven..
9.go to a paper lantern festival
10.mountain,tent, campfire,wine,weed,stars... Sunrise
11.beach,swim,beer,music,stars... Sunrise
12.attend a music festival like Woodstock 69

you dwell in me

In my very breath, you speak, you speak

Come into my arms; lose yourself in dreams

You dwell, you dwell in the beats of my heart

I fell in love with her; I became like a madman

Slowly she grew close to me; silently she declared herself

Now there is no one to fear; we live and die together

Come into my arms; lose yourself in dreams

The world has spurned me; only you made me your own

What peace my heart gained!

The rest have tortured me so

I have one dream: that you should be my own

Lose yourself in dreams

You dwell, you dwell in the beats of my heart

You dwell, you dwell 

Should I keep singing while you say nothing?

You dwell, you dwell

You speak, you speak

x

definition of me

“ I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically,
musically, in whom feelings are
much stronger as reason. I am so
thirsty for the marvelous that only
the marvelous has power over me.
Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go.
Reality doesn't impress me. I only
believe in intoxication, in ecstasy,
and when ordinary life shackles me,
I escape, one way or another. No
more walls.

- Anaïs Nin (american author)

dreamland

Isle of dreams..a land over the rainbow.
An Enchanting,magical,mystical,whimsical,and Chimerical World.
our parallel universe..alternative reality,multiverse.. 
our everyday reality shattering here..
we find peace here and rejoicing..
we can go there only through our dreams..sail in our dreams n explore the realms of fantasy..
only explorers can reach here..if u
wake up in someone else's dream,its easy!!..
the beautiful island of dreams.

my amma

my guiding star,my mentor,guru,best friend,an angel...
My inspiration,happiness,motivation,encouragement...
She- innocent as a kid,strong as a man,pretty as a girl,a lady,goddess Lakshmi,queen...
Amma made my life "blessed" with her unconditional love..made me gentle ;)..
My mom is my teacher..she taught me..
To brush & bath twice in a day
My mom taught me(compelled) exercise every morning..
she taught (insist) me leave all my bad habits..
she taught me to cry without shame..
She taught me brahmacharya n its necessity..
She taught me my religion..SanadhanaDharma..
She taught me the meaning of 'care'
she taught me how to laugh..like a child..no fake..
She taught me Time travel..by telling her experience..its like reading "malgudy days"...
My mom taught me "dreaming" (about my gal child and wife,she always tell me abt 'em ;)
my mom taught me to be kind to animals..not to human,cause they are the dangerous ones in the world..she said!!
She taught me wisdom..make me a free thinker!!..
She taught me the thin line between 'being childish & being childlike'..make me matured
my mom taught me(told me) about the pain a woman suffer when she delivering a baby..respect to every mother,every women. amma,u r my world..i am ur blood,ur flesh..love u so much!! Respect..Namaskara on ur feet!! <3 br="">

All ma bday resolutions goes cliche

Why all ma b'day resolutions goes cliche? Why?why?why?!!! Early bed-early wake up,more yoga-less mb,more workout-less hangout,more cnn-less 9xm,less alcoholic-more workoholic,no women-no cry,no mutta bajji-more green tea,no porn-more pranayama,less day dreams-more life,no fb-less tweets,no fantasy-more reality........sigh!! Ma 26 years of experiences-.. Vivid,hursh,rude,misery,splendid,extravagent...yet nothing studied from it..!!This time a big sigh!!! Guitar study.. Ma diary..i wrote it in few days...??!! And ma gypsy bagpacker dreams...wanna wanderin vth no time limit..and we yoyoz planned something exiting..official plan launching this evening.. :) ...oh ma empty wallet..silent cry :'( wanna successful n wanna tell a girl "its all bcoz of u dear" !! No regrets??!! Bullshit..its all lie

An Unusal story

We met. Same wave length?! We bcm fb frnz,We laughed.. I shared everything. I stayed up just to talk....she had other priorities....she is an individual..m juz one of her frnd!!:(..m mad vth possessiveness and addicted...damn pain..then..v r done..over..thank god!.. Now we don't talk.strangers with memories..heart broken every week...;) even ma chewing gum last longer than nowadays relationships...guys,hug ur frnd instead of d FFakeBook chat..frnz r sweet..!! i hv a FLATtrAck watch..moving on ??!!?:)

Being single sucks when you know exactly who you want.

Ma gal-i want ma gal to love intense,madly,truly,and deeply.ma princess,ma pillow,ma first child.. She shouldn't be breath taking but avg like me.prefer long hair..heared dat a 'nice hair gal' shud take care her family!!! I wanna caress her hair n sleep over it. She shud teach me d pain of missing(her),she shud hear all ma follies! I wanna to see me in her deep eyes..she shud have self respect n a never give up gal..so she can earn  respect from me.. ma baby gal, i will caress her like a newborn.will play with her hair,will buy little cute things to her.i will tell her that she's pretty n sure,she"ll feel it. . .v will quarrel but it shud be one night stand!! I will make her a good boxer n a gud pillow fighter!!! m xtrm possessive n care on her and she shud love me as i feel guilt even to look other gals. Ma HEADACHE,MA BOO Where r u?? I offer her late nyt movie,deep kisses,long romantic walk in d moonlight,intense passionate midnight love,,candle lyt dinner( thanks KSEB),cuddle up on d couch,on rainy days...... M a good listener2her n will let her know that she's beautiful!! I vl make her laugh,I will make her fall in love with me over n over,i will be her best friend! No lies n secrets!! N i wanna be the reason behind her smile..v'll share our food.i feed her , i simply adore her. Omg!! She will make ma morning awesome!! Days r brighter..a complete mng person!! And we will make our own FAIRYTALE :) the some one,who made4me, Babe,where r u??!!babe,U should give me a GIRL child(ma cute dream)!!so i have two!! She should allow me to sleep till 9in the mng,n to be lazy at Sunday noon!! Should give me a good company to see the late HBO movies n football matches!! Will care her especially in her puppy days and there will be a rain of chewts n chills (code words;) ) and the rest of this blog is b/w ME&HER!!...;) ;)

celebrity quotes that define me :)

Im a gypsy,i want to explore new places n spend quality time wth whom i love- Naomi campell ,i hv always been a very big dreamer- Nicole kidman, I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion juz bcoz of d expression it leaves on my face.-Johnny Depp The greater your capasity to love,d greater ur capacity to feel the pain- Parishilton Iam intimidated by the fear of being average- Taylor swift

A day in my life: owsm trip to nelliyampathy

We are all exited much and after a few months,we are touring..!! Ma Nerves..!!and the most exiting thing is that there is a smirnof and white mischief w8in 4 us..;) green chillies+soda+salt+lemon+smirnf=heaven :) try it.
We 6,in 3 bike..m in a bullet wth damu..a royal ride..chilled n v r in2our jerkins..green levi's jacket cmfort me!,when ever find a view point,v stopd there n cliked and clckd..loads..!!
breakfast from a small thattukada..so d wallet is safe..! soon v startd our kalaparipadi..
1st drnk..a sml..sandp statrd vomiting..soon he okayd,dn evr1 in2 a super cool holiday mood..liju n sandp startd a song..v gave 'em bkgrund score..then 2,3,4.5,6..!!
lunch porotta wth beef chilly,n a chilled coke..yummiee ;)
pothundi dam,seethrkundu,suicide point all gives us an amazing visual treat...6smiles.

smirnof finshed..v r lyk a para glidrers ..open gaganam style n party on our mind..! wyt mschf ..laugh,joks n cheer..:)
karapara water falls then..a narrow but beautiful road in b/w wide tea/coffe plant hills,silver light changes into golden and then reddish,itz like we are in a dream land.
Back..omg!,v damned! Policemen blocked us, but v,d royal riders never stopped..but caught at checkpost.arguements n failed in a bribary attempt..after 1hour we released!!
Recoverd soon from it n back into a cheerful mood.to HOME!!
We had a wonderful day with exiting experiences..even caught by the policemen.hope it all make us perfect in future. :) back into d real harsh life.dreamin d next,a zindagi na milegi dobara or d hangover movie(inspired) lyk journey. :)

The '5sh' mantra

A great stress buster for me,that i do when im in stress. d "5sh mantra", try it when u r in utter stress n it vanish all ur stress away. 1Sh-shit 2Sh-shower 3sh-shampoo 4sh-shave 5sh-shag (masturbate) do it,hv fun..cool time :)

fuming

bcoz of ma ego,i cnt inspire seein others.. growin to a big idiot. self realization! ma inferiority,makes ma head down always. d minutes b4 takin a decision,m dying..to be or not to be?... black & gloom days nw hospitals is ma 2nd home, these days r i dislike to remember ,nothing keep me going.. m fuming... :(

dream weavers

Creating a paralel virtual world aganst ds real,harsh,and cruel world n traveling thru it..a joy ride dat vanishes all our sorrows..floating lyk a kite..forgetting our bad past,holding hands,we-the babies of destiny living our fantasy.. Sm tymes v think dat we woke up, As a Baby and our WHOLE Life had been a Dream..!! 'Maya'!!.. And we hv our own time freeze,melting clocks and time machines..to make us happy dreaming.. the world without worries,tears and cry. Dreaming a world that filled laughter,cheers n hapiness. Few minutes is enough to capture it..then.. still we are walking..,till the end..by weaving our dreams!!

ma nt so amazin day

MNG-
wake up @8..a hangovr feelin (I sleep less, i'm tired. I sleep more, im tired. What the hell?)..Did medtatn..n pushups..bathe,b.f..in d mng im unlykly 2go2 wrk,if ny1 dnt cmpul us,or ask y dnt u go 2 wrk? It increases..dat dslyk..uttrlazines.. Smhw make up ma mind..wrk...oops!.m takin addtnl nutrisionl suppliment..4energy..NOON
heat..-lunch wth curd..2mrw vl b lite food lyk sugarcane juice or watrmeln lunch..bathe in sweat..
alone in ma room,half boild wth heat..lonlines, freaky..seeking pleasure wthin by creatin ma own world..fantasy..heat-lyk d desert trvelrs seein oasis..m seein a swmin pool..
NYT-breeze..fasinatin..it is mor b'ful to see women in d nyt..neon lyts..txting wth ma angel..supper frm a thattukada..yummieee it is..nthn mor..itz l8nyt..gudnytzzz

ami-ma frnd

Ami..ma cute frnd..not her name,(veena peranu) i named it..and she used to call me panjarakuttan (wen m gonna2 flirt wth her);) "amide panjarakuttan"(hm..nt much changed from ma teenage years naa? Hehe:) )
Y do boys need a frnd who is a gal? Coz she Wil nvr leav u alone wen u r sad Wil mk sure u dnt skip meals 2play matchs n do wrk ...wil fight wth u 2leave ur bad habits.. evryday,evry tym, Wil txt2u 25tyms a day2 knw wat u r doin.. As galz r spcl gft of god 2 boyz..realz thr wrth n tk cr of 'em. Dis post is Dedicatd 2al gals n boys who share d luv n frndshp:) SHE-Nvr gonna gv up gal(not to me but in her lyf)..pretty woman..(nt abt having a b'ful face but having a pretty mind n soul)...and a good gal(itz rare to get ma certificate:) the one who comes in ma prayer..ma second thought..the only frnd who knows all ma secrets.. :)
She cause ma hickups..made me a fast texter,an insomniac,light heartd..she is the song that struck in ma head all the day long
..Its rare 2 gt frnd havng sam thoughts, wavelength,views& ideas..Evry evnts vl b a coincidence..each relatnshp vl b predefnd by almighty..thank god! To make our frndshp lively,we used to quarrel sometimes..smtymes i dont understand our relationshp..frnds,smtymes more than a frnd..special one..she helpin me to be a better person than who i was yesterday(she's teacher n teachin me gud)..juz happy wth each other company...splashing!!...n waitin for nothing.
Lucky..bt no tym 2love(grr..)

brk up txts2

Ma blog is all abt love..err mistak all ma blog is abt luv..i dont know why it is!!..
WHY LOVE?:
I was in love..only for knowing wat love is..fell in love wth a gal..n mad then..break up n cured...(thank god,its over)..a perfect new generation relatnshp..Blackberry batteries last longer than relationships these days :)
love..Its 4 overcome lonelines, we attracted and fall in love,itz a mutual contract..conditional love.I must say, we r not Involved in LOVE, but Loneliness makes us the VICTIMs".!!
Enjoyd!!..
BREAK UP:
A man in passiön kills himself..running away frm it..but she haunted me n her love n lust burns me..she teaches me many..abt pain,possessivenes,mad,ecstasy..
HOW TO BREAK UP:
GALS-they are like Bluetooth, if u stay close, they stay connected & if u go away, they find new devices".. :)
starving 4a beer n bitterstick..using all ma controls

Resolutions 2012

"until u hv lost ur reputation,u nvr realize wat a burden it was or wat freedom really is"
-margeret mitchel-
:)

THE CHANGE, i need..
Itz a resolution spirit dat nvr change ;) 2012 wil rOCk..
a typical mallu resolution,hehehe;)

Oops! Years r passing like minutes..
2012!not d end of d world..
Here is ma new year resolutions..its nt new..but old wine in a new bottle :)
Wanna restart ma Diary writing,Yoga n d Gym..these helps me to focus on life..wanna be more BAD n enjoy life more..thax2 margeret mitchell..no confessions ny more ;)
Wish to live according to my own rules,love to travel like gypies..wanna LIVE in ma cute addictions(read ma old blog post)..
Less fb chat n more practical..going to buy a deo,curity for ma virginity
Wanna f*** off frm a relationship.. :( OMG it kills me.
I studied nothing from ma sufferings pain n my failure..i need2change that and wanna excel in life,wanna a life with meaningful,well settled,a focused one.
a SUCCESSFUL one.
Here is a b'ful resolution poem by an unknown
"this year,it is d time to list d thing i have left undone n to do smthin abt them.the visit i hv failed to make,the word unspoken,the letters unwritten,the tasks unfinshed.
Its d time to dust off ma dreams n shine up ma ideals" :)

[thanks to sanal-ma brother,ma love(ex),chetan bhagath,margeret mitchel,and d unknown]
:)